Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
