We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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