Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
