she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
