they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
