He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
