They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
