every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
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I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize