evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
