I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
