What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
