we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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