Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
