My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
