i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
