please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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