How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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