So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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