Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
