Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she peed on how many people?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
