yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
