Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
