I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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