I heard we made out
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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