someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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