I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
