Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
