Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
