it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
