everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
