I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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