There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
