FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize