I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
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I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize