If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
