Midget sex pt 2 tonight
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
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