wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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