Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
