i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
splinters make it hard to masturbate
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
