Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
