it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
