We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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