ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
