I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
