it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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