I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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