So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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