All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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