"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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