I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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