3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
