the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
