what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i came on her dog
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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