fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
