Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
