Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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