Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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