my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
50% drunk capacity currently
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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