i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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