Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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