Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
