one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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