Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
