I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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