how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
