Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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