oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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