I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Couch. On fire.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
