sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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