Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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