One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
