two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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